.......

help me.... :(

WHEN SHE CRIES...

When She Cries lyrics

(written by Marc Beeson and Sonny LeMaire)
The road I have travelled on
Is paved with good intentions
It's littered with broken dreams
That never quite came true
When all of my hopes were dying
Her love kept me trying
She doesn't has to hide
The pain that she's been through
(Chorus)
When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide all the fears she feels inside
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries
She's always been there for me
Whenever I'm falling
When nobody else believed
She'd be there by my side
I don't know how she takes it
Just once I like to make it
Then the tears of joy
Will fill her loving eyes
(Repeat chorus)
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries


---- i so larb this song. matatouch siguro ang babaeng kakantahan ng lalaki ng kantang to. 
hahahaha. 

ONE REALLY GETS BETTER AFTER CRYING

one really gets better after crying.
i don't know why i cried again.
maybe because i have become tired again?
hurt? broken?
i really don't know the reason why..
maybe i just need to cry..
to reveal the sadness i am feeling despite other people always seeing me smiling..

as one text message goes... "you're the only one who knows how much you're hurting.. they can only predict.. but they can never can tell.. "
tama man? (superhero pose)

WAG MASYADONG EPAL

sino ka ba para maki.echus sa amin ha?
ni hindi nga tayo close at di rin kayo close nang taong sinumbungan mo.
wag ka kasi masyadong FC. at wag din masyadong EPAL.
wag ka kasing lumugar sa mga lugar na hindi naman para sa 'yo.
kung di ka naman sigurado, wag kang magsasasabi nang kung anu-ano. lalo na kung di mo talaga alam ang mga pangyayari.

iniisip ko nga kung nakaaway ba kita o may nagawa ba akong masama sa 'yo. pero sa pagkakaalala ko, wala eh. gusto mo ba talaga nang gulo?

BE CAREFUL SA MGA BITTER. oo, aaminin ko naging bitter din ako sa mga pangyayari NOON. pero alam mo naman siguro na may tinatawag din tayong MOVING ON stage di ba? at sino ka para sabihin yan ha?
anung gusto mong palabAsin? na ang friendship ko sa taong sinumbungan mo ay peke? o ikaw ung peke?

ang aking lamang, WAG KASING MAKIALAM KUNG DI KA PINAPAKIALAMAN. nakakainit kasi ng dugo alam mo ba 'yun?

pagbibigyan kita ngayon. pero oras na makialam ka pa, baka mahanap mo na ang katapat mo.

SACRIFICES

i am really sad. really, really sad. coz i think i am losing all hope to see them this christmas vacation. and i hate the fact that i have to sacrifice again.

eventhough i appreciate my friends who are supportive of me and keep on inviting me to spend the season with them, it's really different when you're with people whom you barely spend time with. i so miss them. but what can i do? how will i be able to see them when the person i want to feel what i feel does not feel the same?

i don't know why, but my heart seems heavy nowadays. oh yes, i laugh, make my friends laugh whenever i'm with them. but every now and then, i just can't help but to feel sad about my current situation.
what? should i really have to accept the fact that i have to sacrifice again for the sake of other people?

you know what? i 'm really tired of making sacrifices for the same people over and over again. why can't you just sacrifice for me even just this once? you're really abusing me... remember, i may be physically strong and appear strong, but my heart is not that strong. especially with the so many things that have happened to me.

and one thing that made me sad even more was when my dad called me awhile ago. he did not even bring up the topic about having to stay there with him on christmas vacation. can't he see that our christmas and new year won't be the same anymore since my mom is not with us? or he really does not even care?
i honestly don't want to think that he does not care. but everytime i forgive him, he's bound to disappoint me again.

i guess with this blog, it's pretty obvious that i'm tired. i am really, really tired. and i hate to feel my tears falling while i'm typing this. i honestly am so hurt. so,so hurt.

and before i end this blog, i want to thank my uberfriends for really helping me to be happy and see the positive aspect of not being able to spend my christmas vacation with my family. i really appreciate it. and i hope that i will really be able to spend my time with you guys during the season. :)

CHISMOSO/ CHISMOSA

there was a fire awhile ago at our subdivision.
all of the people, even non-neighbors rushed to our subdivision just to witness it.
i have never thought before how chismax people get.
but when i saw the many people running to our subdivision to witness the fire, i guess they reaaly tend to become chismosa/ chismoso when it comes to those things.
and what did i do during the incident?
i just waited for some tricycle so that i could go to Toril.
and even tricycles were nowhere to be found because of the fire that happened.
Tricycle drivers also rushed to the place of the incident and did not bother to catch some passengers that would have had.

laugh trip whole afternoon.
my gosh. hahahaha. i'm just happy that i have friends who are open-minded, funny and serious at the same time.
friends you can depend on whenever you need a shoulder to lean on and even when you don't need one.
:)

WHY?????

matagal-tagal narin akong di nakakapagblog dito.
siguro ay dahil sa kabisihan sa life ay nakakaligtaan ko nang magblog at kung minsan pa talaga ay dahil tinatamad lang ako.

kaya ngayon ako ay nagbabalik na naman.

heto na naman tayo.
bat mo ba akong pilit ginugulo?
sinusubkan na nga kitang kalimutan, pero pag ako ay nag.iisa, lagi kitang naalala.
pwedeng layuan mo na ako?
matagal ko nang tanggap ang pangyayaring yon. at dahil diyan ay talaga naman nahihirapan akong magtiwala na sa mga lalaki.

pero teka lang, hindi ang mga EX ang tinutukoy ko dito.
pero isang sikreto na kaunti lamang nag nakakaalam.
isang sikretong di ko masabi-sabi sa lahat dahil natatakot ako.
natatakot ako kung anung pwede nilang maisip pag nalaman nila ito.

kung minsan ako ay naiiyak na lamang kapag naiisip ko ang bagay na ito.
di kasi maiwasan kung minsan eh.
siyempre naging parte na ito nang katauhan ko.
paano ko pa ba ito makakalimutan?
kung di naman talaga nakakalimot ang tao? nagpapatawad lamang?

kaya mga kaibigan ko, wag kayong magtaka kung bakit ayokong mag-isa sa panahon na ito at palagi akong naghahanap ng kasiyahan pag kasama ko kayo.

ito kasi ang paraan ko para pansamantalang di ko maalala ang sikretong aking tinutukoy dito sa blog na ito.

sa totoo lang, may mga panahong pag ako ay nagiisa, di ko maiwasan ang umiyak. kasi naman eh...

bakit ba kasi sa akin dapat mangyari yon?
ano bang dahilan kung bakit sa akin nagyaring yon?
dahil kaya ko bang tanggapin lahat? dahil malakas ako?

siguro nga malakas ako. pero may mga panahong sasandal na lamang ako sa balikat ng mga kaibigan ko o di kaya'y yayakapin sila.
kasi di naman talaga sa lahat ng oras, malakas ako eh.

tao lamang ako. :(

TRANSFORMERS

my gawd..
after the long wait,
i finally had the chance to watch that movie.
actually, that's one of my fave movies.
and even when i was still a child,
i would watch the cartoon series(?) everyday.

i dunno why i like this movie.
maybe because i'm into action movie but not having too much action
that you could not understand anymore the story.
or the sound effects the cars(?) or trucks(?) produce everytime they become robots.
i just really, really larb watching them transform.. hahaha!

i really think this movie would be a total hit since
in every mall here in davao, there are four allotted cinemas for it.
and all of them have long lines of people waiting to buy movie tickets.
some of my friends even come back everyday either
because the lines are too long for them to wait or
there are no longer tickets available for them to buy.

at least, in my case, i was able to watch the movie without waiting too long. hahaha.
but aside from the action scenes that it contains, it also teaches some lessons that we ought to learn.
but of course, we'll be able to learn all of them once we experience them. hahaha.

i just hope there would be a transformers 3. hahaha.
kung kay beth della pa, thumbs up ang mive.
pero sa kin, two thumb up!

and to end this blog, i would like to use a quotable quote from the mive itself:

" when i rise, you fall.. " :D

A REALIZATION

before, i believed that people never forget.
they just accept what is happening around them.
i have believed that i would always believed that thought.
but then again, people make you change the way you think,
the way you see life,
the way you love.
i know i should not write things like this anymore.
but well, i couldn't help it.
especially when it hits you sa face mismo ang realization na ganito.
i guess no matter what i do, the past will always haunt me.
and it's up to me how i will handle that fact.
well, i'm handling it pretty good.
and i know i will handle it better. sooner or later.
because of the way i handle it,
i have come to realize that well,
PEOPLE DO FORGET AND IT'S UP TO YOU IF YOU DECIDE TO FORGET THEM AS WELL..

salamat.

last sem palang, pinili na namin ang mst 3 teacher na pakiramdam namin
na hindi kami ibabagsak.
sabi nila si mam mayang daw.
o sige siya.

dumating ang enrolment, nashock nalang kami at si sir vladi na pala ang teacher namin.
pero sabi parin nila, chox lang daw siya.
may tendency nga lang ipakumplika ang lahat.
peor nag-enjoy naman din kami sa kanya.

hanggang sa inanunsya ni sir na kelangan may lumipat ang isa sa amin sa section ni
mam gamot (mst 3 yun) para hindi raw madissolve ang section na yun.
edi ciempre sigawan ang lahat.
lalo na nung ginatungan ni sir at sinabi niyang random daw ang pagpili kung sino ang lilipat.
basta ok sa skeduyl ng taong yun.
edi isang malaking OMG nalang ang nasabi namin.

dumating ang araw na pinili na kung sino.
kaso di pumayag si ate kasi allotted na raw for thesi yung time niya na yun.
edi pumili ulit si sir.
akalain mu ba namang yung barkada pa naman ang nasali plus tatlong di kasali sa grupo namin?
at sabi pa ni sir, isa raw dapat samin ang magsakripisyo..
eh para kasi saming barkgda, pak one, pak all.
kung sino ang malipat, lahat kami lilipat.
edi bunutan na naman ulit.
at hayun.
nabunot ang pangalan ko.
anu pa nga ba, edi lipat kaming lahat sa kabila.
hahaha.
buti nalang at supportive ang uber friends ko.
di nila talaga ako iniwan.
sweet diba? hahaha.
kahit alam nilang di sigurado ang future namin kay mam gamot, patuloi parin.
kasi nga, tulong-tulong kami.
at optimistic ang pagiisip. :)
sana nga kaming lahat ay makapasa.
sabi nga nila,
"if you think you can, you can! "
totoo naman siguor yan noh?

sana nga lang at di namin makalimutan na may klase na kami ng 1pm.
at nang dahil din jan.
manglilibre pa ako ng coke float sa kanila.
chox na yan..
at least napatunayan namin sa isa't isa kung gaano
katibay ang aming samahan.
thank you uber friends!

hakot dito, hakot duon.

in just a span of two weeks, feel ko ilang lingg na kaming nasa school..
the fact na hindi pa kami nagiging madugo sa thesis namin, pero ang utak ay pagod na pagod na..
agree ako kay maan..
feel kasi nmn we are Superwomen..
oo lang ng oo..
pero kung iisiping mabuti, sino bang gagawa nun kundi kami lang diba?
sa dami-rami ng dapat isipin, nakakalimutan ko na ng madalas ang unang iisipin..
di ko na alam kung anu ang dapat unahin..
di ko nga akalain na ganito na pala ka.busy ang life na pinili namin..
at hindi rin pala biro ang lahat ng ito.
mabuti nalang kamo ay masaya kami habang ganito kami..
sinupsurtahan kasi namin ang isa't isa..
walang iwanan kumbaga..

at meron pang isa, napansin nila last friday, lahat ata ng orgheads sa school, hinakot ng bloc namin..
ang kapal talaga namin.. hahaha!

TOTALLY FORGOTTEN

i don't know why i've suddenly thought of it.
i guess i couldn't remember that feeling anymore.
or should i say i don't want to feel it anymore?

but it's impossible not to feel it.
especially when you're getting scared.
'coz you know you're bound to feel it again..


as for me, i keep on rejecting every possibility
that would cause me to feel that way.
or maybe i don't like them at all to be that someone.

however, why do i feel that it's not what i think it is?
that maybe, i'm not really prepared at all..
to feel it again..
to feel it from someone again..

honestly, i think i have forgotten what it feels like..
the feeling of being in love and to be loved by someone special..

HOPING AGAINST HOPE

hindi ko pa rin lubusang naramdaman na magfo.fourth year na pala kami next semester.
kung di lang talaga ako nireremind ng iba sa mga uberfriends ko tungkol sa thesis.
ni hindi ko nga alam kung bakit kelangan naming gawin yan.
magagamit ba yan sa trabaho namin sa hinaharap?
eh ang pagkakaalam ko,
maguumpisa ulit kami sa pinaumpisa kapag kami ay nagkatrabaho na.
kumbaga, parang mawawalan ng saysay ang pinag.aralan namin.
pero siyempre, except sa mga datos na tumatak sa utak namin.
at malai namin kung anu-ano ang mga iyon.
kung bakit kasi di nalang manuscript eh.
para isasalaysay nalang namin sa kanila kung ano ang mga pinagdaanan namin sa ojt na ipagkait sa amin.
may mas higit pa bang nakakalungkot sa pagiging comarts student namin?
halos lahat ng kurso sa upmin, merong ojt..
kami pa na naturingang kelangan ng exposure, wala?!
pano nalang ang future namin nito?
paano nalang namin ma.aapply ang aming mga "napag-aralan" habang kami ay nag-aaral pa?
bilang preparasyon sa isa sa mga magiging trabaho namin?

hay naku.
alam ko naman walang patutunguhan ito.
dahil wala nang pag-asa ng kami ay makapg.ojt.
pero malay natin, magkaroon ng himala.
na aking napagtanto na imposibleneg mangyari ngayon.
pero sige nalang.
sige nalang ng sige.

pero bumalik nga tayo sa "thesis"
kung tutuusin, sa mga thesis na binasa,
mukhang pabalik-balik lamang ang content.
pero naisip ko,
mahirap parin siyang gawin.
lalo na ang concept paper.
pero ang worse pa diyan, okay na ang concept paper mo.
nakapg-gather kana ng data,
pero yun pala, di pa iyon sapat?!
nakakatakot naman yan.
ewan ko, ewan ko talaga sa thesis na yan.
pwede mawala na yan sa isip ng aming mga propesor ay hayaan nalang kaming grumadweyt nang wala yan?

hoping against hope.
imposible naman talaga.
siguro, kung math pa yan, baka hindi ako masyadong mamomroblema.
kaso writing yan.
patay tayo diyan.
effort kung effort talaga ito.
iniisip ko nga kung makakaya ko yan.
lalo na sa pagdedefend sa topic ko.
straight English?!
wow!
diyan ako mahina.
buti sana kung ang mga hapon kong estudyante ang kakausapin ko.
di naman kasi nila masyado na.nonotice ang grammatical errors eh.
pero mga propesor namin sa UP?
di mo pa nga lang natatapos banggitin ang sentence, alam na kagad nilang may mali.
bossing naman..
bakit nio ako hinayaang kunin ang kursong di naman ata dapat para sa akin?!
pero sabi nga nila, hindi naman sa'yo ibibgay ni bossing ang problema kung hindi mo naman kayang lutasin.
at isa pa nga pala.
DI NGA PALA DAPT PROBLEMAHIN ANG PROBLEMA SAPAGKAT DADAGDAG LANG ITO SA PROBLEMA MO. *winks*

SUMMER SAYA AT ANG PAGHIHINTAY NIYA. :)

summer saya ba talaga?
oo naman.
kahit nung umpisa, parang halos wala akong magawa,
nang kalaunan, naging busy na akong tao.
volunteer dito, volunteer doon.
nood ng dvd dito, nood ng dvd doon.
pasyal dito, pasyal doon.
kaya tuloy ang pera ko na dapat nasa saving s ko ay nawalang parang bula.
pero at least naman, naging masaya ako.
summer din kasi, kelangang sulitin.
kasi pag pasukan na, patay tau.
thesis year pa naman.
kelangan maging subsob kuno.
as if.
haha.
pustahan tayo, subsob na kung subsob, pero di parin mawawala
ang inuman,
overnights,
at secret.
haha.

siguro nga tama yung ginawa kong pagsusulit sa summer.
kasi alam kong magiging stressed na naman ako sa pasukan.
sana naman magbunga ang stress na yan.
isa lang naman hiling namin eh.
ang makagradweyt on time?
mahirap bang matupad ito?
hindi naman siguro.
basta may tiyaga lang talaga.

at isa pa nga pala,
buti nalang din talaga at sinulit ko ang summer na tio,
kasi kung pagpapalain ako ni bossing at makakagradweyt on time,
ang '09 summer nag huling summer ko bilang estudyante.
iba ang summer ng estudyante sa professional diba?


panibagong pagsubok na naman ang haharapin.
panibagong pagusbok na kelangang malampasan.
at alam kong malalampasan ito.
kelangan.
dapat.
bakit?
NAGHIHINTAY NA ANG MAKATI SA AMIN. *wink*

LAGI NA LANG.

lagi nalang.
sa tuwing kinakausap kita,
lagi nalang.
di ko na tuloy alam ang gagawin ko sa yo.
di ko na maintindihan ng sobra-sobra kung bakit ka ganyan.
ano ba kasi talaga ang gusto mo?
pinatawad na kita at lahat-lahat.
nirerespeto pa rin kahit palagi mo nalang akong sinasaktan.
di ko parin alam kung bakit ka ganyan makaasta.
ano ba ako sayo talaga?
di ba dapat alam mo ang sagot sa tanong kong yan?
pero bakit parang di yang ang turing mo sa akin?
tinanggap ko ang mga pagkakamali mo.
pero bakit pakiramdam kong di mo tanggap ang mga ito?
bakit pakiramdam ko pa ata ako ang may mali?
hindi ba't parang di ata dapat ito?
sana naman ay magbago ka na.
sabi nila lahat ng tao nagbabago.
pero bakit pakiramdam ko ikaw hinid?
tao ka ba?
tao naman siguro diba?
kaya sana maramdaman mo tong sakit na nararamdaman mo.
pakiramdaman mo kasi nang maramdaman mo kasi.
isipin mo naman ako.
isipin mo naman na ako ang nakakarma dahil sa mga ginagawa mo.
bat mo kaya ako natitiis pero ikaw hinid ko matiis?
ano ba?
hihintayin ko nalang ba ang araw kung kelan mararamdaman ko ulit..
ang pagiging ama mo, DAD?

AKO RAW ITO,. :)

at dahil nagustuhan ko ung quiz na tinake ni maa, tinake ko na rin. haha! :)

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

-downtoearth? haha.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

-anu bang napala ko sa pagiging ganito? haha. nevertheless, i think magiging ganito pa rin ako in the near future. pero thesis mu na tau tol.. haha! :)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

-i hope so. i am still hoping. ayoko naman ding tumandang dalaga noh. haha. :)

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

-nalilito na talaga ako. ganito ba talaga ako? haha. siguro nga. di natin alam. haha. pero sabi rin ng iba ganito raw ako. pero seryoso naman pag tinamaan na. haha. :)

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

-tumpak ka jan ate! kaya nga sa sobrang pagka.importante nito sakin, natatakot ako na baka di makagradweyt on time. pero hinihiling ko talaga na makakagradweyt kami ng mga kabatch ko on time. sige na bossing. :)

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

-sino bang hindi gugustuhin ang ganito? kahit sino naman siguor gustong magkaroon ng trabahong kaya kang buhayin. :)

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

- this is my dream talaga eversince. to be successful in life.. :)

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

-though many people think that i am an independent person, i just couldn't deny the fact that i hate being alone. i mean, who doesn't, right? and i know i have my friends who are ready na makipagsabayan sa mga trips ko if ever man. haha. :)

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

-tumpak na naman ba ito? malamang. lately ko lang din kasi napagtanto na may pagka.moody din ako.. haha..
full of energy? mo lang. confident ako? siguro, pero di naman masyado.. haha.. :)

why do all people notice it?

i wasn't really bothered before about it.
i knew that it has become noticeable after i also noticed it myself.
i became used to it the moment my friends and other acquaintances commented on it.
i just told myself that it's normal to experience it.
what made me more like it is because some of my friends commented that it looked good to me, that i became more beautiful.

one of the tricycle drivers also noticed and commented that way to me.
i guess it is really noticeable.

one day, i woke up early and decided to buy taho.
i was still sleepy when i bought it and the taho vendor did not look familiar to me.
however, he said something that made me awake and bothered all of a sudden.
i never thought i would hear him say that to me.
we are not even close and again, he's face is not familiar.
know what he told me after i gave him the money?
"nanaba lague ka?"