CONTROL FREAK

not having to control your life is like not knowing what you want in life.
i haven't made thoughts about this thing until people made me suddenly feel unsure.
i mean, i'm already 21 years old, and i still can't control what i want to happen with my life.

yes, i choose my friends, i chose my boyfriend, i chose to whose group i should belong to.
but aside from these, can i really choose what i want to happen with my life?

the answer is yes. technically because i own my life.
i am the main responsible to the things that happened, has happened, is happening and will happen to it.
to tell honestly, i'm tired of always taking advices from people and do it immediately without even thinking on what i want to do with it.
i'm, tired of letting people control my life without me realizing it.
advices are meant to make you think right?
it doesn't mean that if someone give you an advice, you should immediately do it right?
well i guess i'm tired of not having to control my own life and always listen to people whom i thought have the best interests in me.
i won't mention any names but for sure, you know who you are.
you just need to have some self-reflection with that.

on the other hand, i myself also know that i'm quite a control freak at times.
but believe me, with the confused emotions i have right now, i'm not in the position to control anyone, in particular.
i know that. that's why don't be bothered if i'm not the control freak that you used to know.


i heard this line from someone and i forgot who he or she was.
"hayaan mong madapa ang tao. para mismo siya ang matutong tumayo para sa sarili niya".
actually, this is the line that i have been telling other people when they worry about others.
but i myself sometimes forget about it.
i guess i have to always put this in my mind though. hahaha.
with this line, it doesn't mean that you don't care for your loved ones.
actually, it means that you care enough about them to let them do what they want and experience what they should experience for them to learn.
it's not about playing safe with whatever probable outcome of their actions, it's about letting them learn on their own.

as for me, i'm doing that right now.
many thanks for the people who made me realize this thing.
i still have many things to learn on my own, i know that.
but the sad thing is, i'm still letting people control what should happen with my life.
i thought maybe, i just love them so much to even give in to what they want to happen.
but whenever i think about this way, do they even think of my feelings too?


i do get tired.
of giving in to their wants. of understanding to what they want to happen.
of them controlling my life.
but mind you, i do value your care and your concern.
but despite all of these, have you ever thought about this thing: "are you really concerned for the person? or are you more concerned with what other may think of you for having a loved-one like him or her?"

BEING A CONTROL FREAK IS DIFFERENT FROM BEING CONCERNED.
there is a thin line separating these two.

now, i'm not being an E-M-0 here. i'm just expressing my thoughts, actually.
well, i guess based on this blog, you can guess two things.
i'm tired of being concerned and caring for other people who don't even give a damn with these.
and i'm tired of letting other people control my life, based on their own happiness that overlap with mine.

i'm sorry. but i guess it's time to think of my own happiness too.

NOT A WASTE OF TIME

oh my gosh.

i haven't realized i am experiencing what i do not expect to happen.

why the hell i'm confused on what i have to do?

i don't even know what i want. i don't even know what i am right now.

it seems that it was way,way,way better when i was in college.

all i have to think is to pass my subjects and pass my thesis as well.

and of course, i did all of those.

i was even excited when i finally knew that, yes, i would be graduating this April.

and when April came nearer as each day passed by, my excitement turned into a fear.

now why fear? because i'm in the real world now. and i am facing it, with no assurance on what i want to happen with my life.

yeah. i got a job. a job i thought i wouldn't enter. but guess what, i did. and working in a so-called call center was like heaven and hell. heaven with the many friends that i have gained and with the salary i had ( but wasn't able to save any of it). and hell because the work shift killed me. it somehow changed my personality. it changed the way on how i treat people. it changed everything.

now that i'm officially unemployed and currently looking for a stable job, i'm sooo damn bored.

it's difficult for me to stay at my house and just browse the Internet, watch movies, watch Asian and American dramas. but well, what can i do? i'm also damn broke. Help!

or maybe. just maybe, God is giving me this idle time to let me think on what i want to do with my life. actually, this bored moments that i am experiencing right now, has helped me learn to value things and people. it helped me become responsible again, slowly. it helped me realize that hey, there's a lot more to happen, i just have to wait and see, and of course, do my part as well.

i've come to realize that i should try and learn new things for me to develop my skills. for me to have new experiences that i can share. and boy, i am about to do that.

and in everything that i can only do as of the moment, i gain knowledge from it. just by merely watching those tv dramas and movies, i can learn some realities of life that i'm bound to experience as well.

and as of the moment, i am currently watching gossip girl series. and i think i would continue watching these TV dramas and movies until i can have a stable job of my own. :)

BLANKO ANG UTAK

today was terrible.
i woke up late.
i wasn't able to pass our assignment in spcm.
i wasn't myself because of nervousness for my third video.
what i feared came true.
it wasn't accepted again.
in short, i should make my fourth video.
damn. i'm really getting tired of this.
repeat and repeat.
always better but not enough.
what should i do?
is this a sign that i should get extended? or a challenge again? which is which?

hahai..

pero salamat sa aking mga kaibigan na pilit akong pinasaya kaninang hapon..
napakasupportive nila pagkatapos kong humagulgol.
salamat kay karel, daryl at irish. salamat sa karaoke moments natin kanina. kahit puro para kay george ang mga kanta natin. hahaha. peace george.

salamat kay teena at marie na pinalakas ang loob ko sa paggawa ng animation video nalang. kaso narealize kong kelangan ko gumawa ng bagong proposal kung gagawin ko nalang animation ang video ko. so ma.e.extend pa rin ako if ever. hahai. pero salamt parin sa pag comfort sa akin nug humagulgol ako.

salamat din sa'yo kuyadoyle for giving suggestions sa akin. sana nga lang pumayag nag mga sinaggest mo. hahai.

salamat sa'yo kent for making me happy tonight. happy monthsari ulit sa atin. salamat sa simpleng celebration. hahaha. simple lang pero masyadong okay. i love it.

salamat sa inyong lahat. sana nga lang ay makagraduate pa rin ako on time kahit masyado nang maraming dagok ang dinulot sa akin ng thesis kong ito. pinpilit ko talagang maging optimistic pero napapagod na ako.
siguro ay kelangan ko nalang hintayin ang wednesday pati thursday at nanag malaman ko kung ano talaga ang mangyayari sa akin.

pero hinihiling ko talaga na maging maayos ang lahat. dahil hindi ko talaga alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa ermats ko ang lahat ng ito. at hindi ko parin tanggap ang posibilidad na baka extended ang life ko sa UPMIn.

*sigh.. help.. :(

TOMORROW IS THE DAY.

my ged.
i'm really nervous for tomorrow.
even though i'm bing optimistic about it, i can't help but think what if?
gosh. i just hope she will accept it finally. i am hoping that i have already reached her standards.
ged.
i'm really nervous big time. :)

SECRETS OF LOVE? :)

NOTE: I got this from Nisa's note.. :)

THE FIRST SECRET

The Power of Thought.Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships.Affirmations

can change our beliefs
and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize humor her when you meet him or her.

THE SECOND SECRET

The Power of Respect.You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself: "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself: "What do I respect about them?"

THE THIRD SECRET

The Power of Giving.If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them.The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.

THE FOURTH SECRET

The Power of Friendship.To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not
consist of gazing into each others eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.

THE FIFTH SECRET

The Power of Touch.Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.

THE SIXTH SECRET

The Power of Letting Go."If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours,if it doesn't it never was." Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts, and grievances. Love means letting goof our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me-today is the beginning of a new life."

THE SEVENTH SECRET

The Power of Communication.When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and... why are you waiting?

THE EIGHTH SECRET

The Power of Commitment. If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have a loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.


THE NINTH SECRET

The Power of Passion.Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment,enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.

THE TENTH SECRET

The Power of Trust. Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feel strapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself: "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "NO", then you must think very carefully before you make any type of commitment.

ONCE AGAIN.

isa nalang talaga..
papatulan na talaga kita.. promise! :)

UBER-UBER.

iniwan mo na nga siya, ba't mo pa babalikan?
dahil pinagsisihan mong iniwanan mo siya?
or dahil ayaw mong makita na masaya na siya sa piling ng iba?

kung ako sa 'yo, wag kanang manggulo.
pasimple ka rin noh?

yan talaga ang napapala ng mga taong di alam kung anong gusto.
kami pa talaga ang pinapahirapan mo.
sa totoo lang, ayaw na kitang patulan pa.
kasi it's cheap eh.

eh kaso patuloy ka sa panggugulo mo eh.
gunggong ka pala eh.
lumugar ka nga sa lugar mo.
o baka gusto mo pang ako ang maghatid sa lugar mo?


ayoko na ring magkasala pa.
kaya di ko na sasabihin sa blog kon ito kung sino ka.
pero obvious ata kung sino ang tinutukoi ko rito eh.
hay naku. i'm not telling anything na lang.
baka ako pa ang magmukhang masama niyan.

basta. naiinis ako sa 'yo.
naiinis talaga.
peste ka.
magsure2 ka nga sa kung ano ba talaga ang gusto mo.
at nang di malito ang mga tao sa 'yo.

uber-uber ka kasi.