SACRIFICES

i am really sad. really, really sad. coz i think i am losing all hope to see them this christmas vacation. and i hate the fact that i have to sacrifice again.

eventhough i appreciate my friends who are supportive of me and keep on inviting me to spend the season with them, it's really different when you're with people whom you barely spend time with. i so miss them. but what can i do? how will i be able to see them when the person i want to feel what i feel does not feel the same?

i don't know why, but my heart seems heavy nowadays. oh yes, i laugh, make my friends laugh whenever i'm with them. but every now and then, i just can't help but to feel sad about my current situation.
what? should i really have to accept the fact that i have to sacrifice again for the sake of other people?

you know what? i 'm really tired of making sacrifices for the same people over and over again. why can't you just sacrifice for me even just this once? you're really abusing me... remember, i may be physically strong and appear strong, but my heart is not that strong. especially with the so many things that have happened to me.

and one thing that made me sad even more was when my dad called me awhile ago. he did not even bring up the topic about having to stay there with him on christmas vacation. can't he see that our christmas and new year won't be the same anymore since my mom is not with us? or he really does not even care?
i honestly don't want to think that he does not care. but everytime i forgive him, he's bound to disappoint me again.

i guess with this blog, it's pretty obvious that i'm tired. i am really, really tired. and i hate to feel my tears falling while i'm typing this. i honestly am so hurt. so,so hurt.

and before i end this blog, i want to thank my uberfriends for really helping me to be happy and see the positive aspect of not being able to spend my christmas vacation with my family. i really appreciate it. and i hope that i will really be able to spend my time with you guys during the season. :)